I Dwelled in Sorrow

| كلمات: خالد بن يزيد | ألحان و غناء: عبادي الجوهر |
الترجمة بواسطة الموقع

English Translation

I know not if I have dwelled in sorrow, or if sorrow has dwelled in me;

Am I truly made of it, or has it become an inseparable part of me?

Out of sheer torment, my fleeting moments have stretched into endless, heavy nights,

as I remain suspended between my anxious overthinking and my fading doubts.

My tears weep silently within me, while my face wears a false smile;

Surely, joy must be far too busy with others to ever remember me.

My journey of torment travels endlessly deep inside my soul,

and out of the abundance of my pain, I weep, and yet I sing.

Upon the very eyelash of sleeplessness, the night falls asleep, yet I remain awake;

As though I am a helpless captive of insomnia itself.

Out of my deep sighs, I have written my most precious poems,

and adorned the dark night with the painful sighs of my art.

My smile itself weeps upon my lips, and

I have befriended grief, not knowing if it has merely come to test me.

My confusion has grown long, and my patience is terrified;

Whenever my worries leave, they return to me multiplied tenfold.

I know not, O time, and I only wish you could answer me: Have I dwelled in sorrow, or has sorrow dwelled in me?

Explaining:

“سكنت الهم أو هو قد سكني”: a stunning Sufi philosophical formulation expressing “complete identification and merging,” where the boundaries between self and pain dissolve. The lover is left wondering whether he is the stranger who has taken up residence in sorrow, or whether sorrow has settled within him until they have become one body and soul.

“هوجاسي”: In Nabati and Saudi dialects, “obsession” refers to troubling thoughts, emotional anxieties, and deep, anxious reflections that assail the lover in his nocturnal solitude.

“دموعي داخلي والوجه ضاحك”: a poignant expression of “sad pride,” concealing inner turmoil and bleeding behind a forced smile, lest the gossips and others witness the anguish of his weakness.

“على رمش السهر يغفى وأنا أسهر”: a profoundly sweet rhetorical image, where “sleeplessness” portrays itself as a weary being that closes its eyes to rest upon the eyelashes of humanity, while the lover’s heart remains the sole exception, awake, conversing with the night.

كحلت المساء بآهات فني: “The evening’s kohl” is a captivating visual metaphor; kohl enhances the beauty of the eyes, and here the lover transforms his sighs, his poetry, and his mournful oud playing into a creative energy that adorns the darkness of the night, bestowing upon it majesty and beauty.

نادمت الأسى: “A companion” is a close friend in gatherings of late-night conversation. Here, when the lover’s gathering was empty of people, he took sorrow (sorrow) as his companion, sharing his melancholy and drinking from its cups of grief.

ارتّاع صبري: “Terrified” means to be frightened and to lose control; it is the personification of patience as a human being struck by panic and terror from the overwhelming accumulation of worries.

أضعاف جني: the harsh law of worries; Every time she feigns a temporary departure to grant him a respite, she returns, intensified and cruel, to claim what remains of his soul.

The song “I Dwelled in Sorrow” represents the most powerful existential manifesto linking pain to art in Abadi Al-Jawhar’s school of poetry. In this poem, the lover doesn’t lament a fleeting personal estrangement, but rather declares his complete reconciliation and alliance with sorrow as a constant existential state (“I am from it, or it has become from me”). The song’s brilliance lies in the lover’s ability to transform pain and spiritual exhaustion into creative energy; he weeps and sings simultaneously, making the sighs of his art a kohl to adorn the sleepless nights. It is a noble acceptance of emotional torment and a dignified coexistence with it, a proud and dignified refusal to shed tears in public.

Arabic Text

سكنت الهم أو هو قد سكني
أنا منه، أو هو صار مني
سكنت الهم أو هو قد سكني
أنا منه، أو هو صار مني

من اللوعات لحضاتي ليالي
و أنا ما بين هوجاسي و ظني
من اللوعات لحضاتي ليالي
و أنا ما بين هوجاسي و ظني

سكنت الهم أو هو قد سكني
أنا منه، أو هو صار مني
من اللوعات لحضاتي ليالي
و أنا ما بين هوجاسي و ظني

دموعي داخلي و الوجه ضاحك
أكيد إن الفرح مشغول عني
دموعي داخلي و الوجه ضاحك
أكيد إن الفرح مشغول عني

تسافر داخلي رحلة عذابي
ومن كثر الألم أبكي و أغني
تسافر داخلي رحلة عذابي
ومن كثر الألم أبكي و أغني

سكنت الهم أو هو قد سكني
أنا منه، أو هو صار مني
من اللوعات لحضاتي ليالي
و أنا ما بين هوجاسي و ظني

على رمش السَهر يغفى و أنا أسهر
تقل كني أسير السهد، كني
على رمش السهر يغفى و أنا أسهر
تقل كني أسير السهد، كني

من الوَنه كتبت أغلى قصيدي
و كحلت المساء بأهات فني
من الوَنه كتبت أغلى قصيدي
و كحلت المساء بأهات فني

سكنت الهم أو هو قد سكني
أنا منه، أو هو صار مني
من اللوعات لحضاتي ليالي
و أنا ما بين هوجاسي و ظني

و تبكي، بسمتي وسط الشفايف
و نادمت الأسى ما أدري أمتحني
و تبكي، بسمتي وسط الشفايف
و نادمت الأسى ما أدري أمتحني

و طالت حيرتي و أرتاع صبري
همومي لا رحلن أضعاف جني
و طالت حيرتي و أرتاع صبري
همومي لا رحلن أضعاف جني

سكنت الهم أو هو قد سكني
أنا منه، أو هو صار مني
من اللوعات لحضاتي ليالي
و أنا ما بين هوجاسي و ظني

و طالت حيرتي و أرتاع صبري
همومي لا رحلن أضعاف جني
و طالت حيرتي و أرتاع صبري
همومي لا رحلن أضعاف جني

ولا أدري، يا زمن ليتك تجاوب
سكنت الهم، أو هو قد سكني
ولا أدري، يا زمن ليتك تجاوب
سكنت الهم، أو هو قد سكني

سكنت الهم أو هو قد سكني
أنا منه، أو هو صار مني
من اللوعات لحضاتي ليالي
و أنا ما بين هوجاسي و ظني